i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
