i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
