I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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