if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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