Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
