so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
