I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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