if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
