Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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