I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
