im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
a search helicopter?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
