All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
