i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You made out with two different species that night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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