My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
