I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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