I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
