3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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