I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish i was in the wii world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
