member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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