ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
