She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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