he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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