Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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