mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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