There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
