I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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