Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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