the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
