wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
