So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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