dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
