In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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