The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I just put wine in my tea
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
