I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
