I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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