I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
