Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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