my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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