Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
