Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
