people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize