I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
