He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
