whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
