Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
