Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
