After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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