I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your penis caused this!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
