I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
