i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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