so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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