Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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