how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
