so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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