I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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