Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
