he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
