We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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