Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
