Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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