Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
