i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
