It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
