This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
