the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
