her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
