Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
