had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
