New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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