I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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