after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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