ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
