After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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