Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
