Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
