its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
