ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
