I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
