I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
